I had to take my vehicle into the shop and it’s only a 30 minute walk away, so once I had dropped off my vehicle, I decided to have a nice walk home. When I got close to home, I suddenly remembered all those times that I went for walks at the beginning of my weight loss journey, and how at one point all I wanted to do was try jogging.
The only problem is that I was absolutely terrified.
At 450ish pounds, I absolutely did NOT want to draw even more attention to myself. I was already a target, and an unmistakeable one at that. Walking was going well for me. I was starting to lose some weight and get stronger, and I could feel that I wanted to try jogging for the first time in my life. I knew that it would be hard on my lungs, my legs and joints in general.
I was afraid of hurting myself and not being able to exercise, but honestly I was mostly afraid of looking like a fool. I didn’t want people to look at me and laugh. I didn’t want anyone to make fun of me and my man boobs bouncing around. After all, who does?
Eventually I realized that if I remained afraid, I would never improve myself and my body. I would never be successful and I would always remain just as miserable as I ever was on the inside.
One day, I decided that I was going to do it. I was going to attempt jogging. There was a stretch of road near the end of my walking route that had nothing around it except trees and a field. No homes with windows where people could look at me and laugh. Not a highly travelled area by foot, so nobody would be watching me for a painstakingly long time if I failed miserably. I decided that I would wait for there to be no cars coming in either direction, which in the late evening was not too hard.
When I first jogged, I made it about 40 feet, so just a few steps. But those few steps brought me joy because I knew it was possible to keep trying. So day after day, I jogged my few feet, eventually being able to go further and further. On the times when I felt like I couldn’t go any further, that instinct of not wanting to look stupid kicked in, and if there was a car or a person coming, I willed myself to keep going until after they went past me. That way, by motivating myself to keep going, they wouldn’t see my failing point. As soon as they passed by, I would stop jogging and try to catch my breath, stopping for a minute before carrying on with my walk.
Over time, I was able to jog most of the street without stopping. I slowly began not to care what people thought as they sped past me in their cars. I knew I was getting better at something I thought I would never do.
So a few days ago, as I was walking home, I decided to jog for part of the way down the street just to see what the difference was. 200 pounds lighter than before, I felt like a cloud in comparison. Every step made me feel so bouncy and light. I was shocked at how much easier it was. Every now and then I discover something like this and am amazed at how different life really is.
That being said, don’t expect to see me out jogging every day. Just because I can do it, doesn’t mean I like it. I’m more of a brisk walk type of person. That might change in the future, but right now, jogging just ain’t my thing!