Have you ever had a season of life where you really feel like you have nothing to contribute?
I think I am in one of those times right now.
Someone said to me a few weeks ago, “Why did you stop writing? I really loved reading your blogs.” I didn’t really think that I had stopped writing, I had just taken a bit of a break. I felt “in-between blog posts” much like a temporarily unemployed person might be “in-between jobs”. I’m not sure what caused it, but what I have realized is that I am in this weird time right now where I don’t feel particularly passionate about any one thing.
In the past couple months, I have felt more withdrawn from people than I have been in a really long time. I’m not sure if this is noticeable by the people around me. I try to maintain my outgoing and fun-loving nature every day, but there are many moments when I look around and realize that I am not really interacting with the people sitting around me, or working nearby.
I often find myself listening to other conversations, taking in what other people are excited about, and observing all the people around me in all that they do, while I simply keep to myself. During these moments, I have been trying to actively think about why I am feeling so disconnected, and sometimes force myself to reengage.
I think that my mind and body have needed a break from all external stresses every chance I can get lately, and I find myself needing time to shut my brain completely off. So this leads to those moments of quiet thought and just existing while the world moves around me.
I haven’t felt overly passionate or energetic about many things lately. I just want to get things done, methodically and consistently. There’s nothing wrong with that on it’s own, but I am used to living my life with a lot more flair, and frankly, a lot more recklessness.
It makes me sad at times, because I love being passionate and loud about everything from human rights right down to what socks I wear. But I suppose it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s possible that this feeling could open the door to so much more.
Maybe I will learn something about myself while I am in this quieter few months of life.
Maybe I will learn more about others just by listening instead of offering up my own experiences.
Maybe I just need to recognize the importance of observation.
Maybe sometimes I need to stop talking.
Then again, maybe we all do.