My wife’s grandma died earlier this year. She was 98 years old, intelligent and spry.

I haven’t known her long compared to the rest of her family, obviously, only joining the family officially 7 years ago, but yet she quickly became my grandma as well.

She was a wonderful woman who was, I believe, the epitome of a grandma. She showed interest and excitement to all she encountered, she baked, gave gifts, and made sure her whole family knew how much she loved them.

She laughed, oh how she laughed. She used to call my wife’s parents every Sunday at 2pm without fail, and quite often we were visiting them and so undoubtedly we would all end up talking to grandma. I’m not gonna lie, the first time I did this, it felt weird and I really had no clue what to say. But then over time it just became normal and I genuinely looked forward to talking with her. I would ask how life was, what she was learning lately, what books she might have read, and what activities she was participating in at her residence. She would happily tell me all about it, and then would ask me about my week, my job, and would always provide encouragement.

The most fun I ever had with her though, was when I would tease her. I would joke with her about joining a rock band with all the other seniors in the home, or sneaking her out to go get a tattoo without telling anyone. She would just giggle and say “nooooo, I can’t do that.” But boy did she laugh.

As the family gathers at my wife’s aunt’s house, I looked around at the people I don’t see often but have come to love, and I feel a joy deep inside me that I didn’t really get to have as a child. I’m around family, I feel that I belong here, and I feel their grief as my own.

As far as grandparents go, two of mine died well before I was born, one died when I was 2 and the other, while I knew her as a young child, she developed Alzheimer’s and by the time she died, I had not seen her much and the times I had…She didn’t know who I was anymore.

Until my wife’s grandma, I had never really known what it was like to have a grandparent at all. I had very few memories of my own, and now suddenly here were these special memories of surprising her for mother’s day with an unexpected visit, or chatting to her about my week on a Sunday afternoon.

I am so grateful for this family and all the feelings that they’ve given me over the years I’ve been included. I am grateful for their love, their humour, their welcoming nature, and for sharing their family matriarch with me.

I truly got to know what it’s like to have a grandma for the first time in my adult life, and it was wonderful. I will cherish those memories, for now that’s what they have become.

There will be no more phone calls, no more teasing silliness, and no more grandparent presence in my life.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. I think that phrase can really mean family as well. And because of my wife, there is a family I never had as a child.

My friends always used to talk about their grandparents and I had no understanding of what that felt like, but now I do.

She lived a long life, wrote endlessly, inspired plenty, and was able to give the entire family her final words and love over a Christmas video call. I am proud of how she lived, and I am amazed at her ability to put a neat little bow on her amazing life and say goodbye to us all.

I am so happy that I had the opportunity to have loved and lost such a wonderful grandmother.